Category: General

I have been thinking that lately I have not been satisfied with my job. The work is fine but there are a few people who have become very difficult to work with and I find myself becoming too often frustrated and upset over it all. I simply do not like to be this way. The cycles of frustration and acceptance have certainly gotten old, and most evenings as of late I’ve found myself with little energy or desire to work on more meaningful things (music and other personal projects).

Yesterday I heard sad news that my good friend’s father passed away in his sleep. It was a bit of a shock as I had known his father and remember him quite fondly as good humored and loving person…

I know my situation with work could be better, that I could not get so upset and just let things go, but when it goes in circles it is exhausting. I had already thought that my energies would be better spent focused again on music and other meaningful endeavors. Thinking of my friend’s father’s passing has only highlighted how quick life seems to go by, as well as how uninterested I have become in my daily job life as of late.

For now I have some pressing editing work to do with the Csound Journal. I hope in some ways that working on that and moving on back to other work on my software “blue” will help me to refocus and regain some perspective. I will certainly need to work on not allowing my job to get the better of me.

Time goes by slowly here in Rochester, and I am starting to feel time slowly wearing on me. I feel a sense that I need to make changes in my daily life. Reading poetry and taking walks while listening to Feldman has been exceptional as of late, and I am sure it will become clear soon what I should do next and how I can make the changes to become satisfied once again with my working day.

Already it is near the end of December and looking back both at the month and the year, I find it a curious how quickly it seems to have gone by, yet how full it has been with changes and events. The transition from being residents of California to inhabitants of upstate New York has certainly brought with it many new experiences. Looking back through my calendar, I see that there were many other trips taken too.

It was certainly a year full of change, yet there were things that remained constants. Lisa and I were able to celebrate our one year anniversary together in Toronto which was fantastic. It was also very nice to be able to spend time with family and friends for the holidays. I’ve also been enjoying my Tai Chi practice a great deal recently, sparked on by a wonderful workshop in Detroit with Ben Lo and seeing Lenzie there.

The one constant of my life that has not had much attention though has been my music.  All of the events of this year and commitments of my day job have left me somewhat lacking of energy to focus on music.  I have also been at somewhat of a standstill creatively. I have been keenly aware of of my lack of progress musically lately and have made plans to focus on this area of my life more once we return to Rochester.

Otherwise, I am looking very forward to the new year and find myself more and more excited to push ahead with New Year’s resolutions and promises to myself.  On the 31st I will be 31, and I looking forward to this new prime year of my life.

Standing on the balcony of our apartment I saw the most amazing thing: birds from all over the area were flying against the evening sky.  The silhouettes of these birds were beautiful on the cold gray sky. They were not flying in a pattern but rather all heading in the same general direction South, perhaps beginning their migratory journey for the coming Winter, I do not know.  I’ve heard of animals knowing when danger is coming before humans are able to discern these things and wondered if there was something else they might be flying away from…

It is almost sunset now and the birds have either stopped their travels for the night or they have all already passed us here now.  Sitting here in dark room looking out the window, Winter feels not too far away. It is quiet now and time to reflect and wonder.

The past months have been some of the busiest of my life, filled with many great changes and challenges…

In the spring, we prepared for moving from California–both mentally and physically–and by the end of July, Lisa finished her long graduate school journey and finished her Ph.D.  I am so proud of everything she has accomplished and for working tirelessly to achieve her goals.

In June we went our 7th Tai Chi camp with Lenzie.  By this point in June we were both exhausted and going to camp was a wonderful way to rejuvenate ourselves. We worked hard in camp and had a wonderful time in the company of friends. It was bittersweet knowing it would be our last camp as locals but knowing we’ll always have opportunities to see our friends at future camps is a great comfort. It will be great to see how much we have all grown in Tai Chi and life when we all meet next year.

At the end of July, Lisa and I stopped by Vancouver before heading to Rochester for a small break and delayed honeymoon.  The weather was sweltering when we first got there and we were both extremely exhausted from little sleep in the last days we were in Berkeley.  We managed to get a good amount of rest in Vancouver as well as had a chance to explore the wonderful city. One of the highlights for me was walking around Stanley Park; it was exhausting at the time but it was a beautiful walk and I feel better off for it.  We had some nice meals and enjoyed the city very much.

After Vancouver we arrived in Rochester.  We stayed the first night here with Holly and Melina, which was wonderful to see such warm friends after leaving California.  Afterwards we stayed in our new apartment a couple days until our movers came and we set up our apartment.  The first week was full with getting situated. Purchasing a car was of high importance for living in this city and so for the first time in 9 years we bought a car!  A very different change in living.  Luckily we do not live too far from many things, but just far enough to require a car, so we do not have to drive much at all.

Since then we have slowly gotten settled in.  The first month and a half here was still extremely busy. Lisa moved very quickly from being a student to being a professor, having to plan courses and then teach them.  For me, life was still very busy as my job work was full-steam with everyone working on the new release and I had a writing obligation that took up my free time.  We took Labor Day weekend off to drive to Toronto and spend the weekend just relaxing (though I still had to spend time writing that weekend, which was a bit of a damper). We had a lovely omakase dinner at Hiro Sushi and took some nice walks in the city. It was nice to be in Canada…

A couple weeks ago, I was very happy that the release at my company went out and my writing obligation was finished. Since then it has been mostly a great decompression on many levels and now it feels like I can breathe and relax for the first time in a long time.  We are still getting things together in our apartment and still adjusting to life here, but I think we’ll be fine.  There is much we miss from California, but the people are quite nice and the landscape very lush with trees, a lovely sight as they are beginning to hint at turning colors for Autumn.  It will be nice to experience seasons once again, and it will be interesting to see how life unfolds here.

Merce Cunningham, Influential Choreographer, Dies (NYTimes)

Life has been extremely busy as we are moving in just a few days to Rochester, NY.  There’s certainly a number of things I have been meaning to write about but they will have to wait.  However, I came across this news today and felt a need to post this.  I’ve long admired and appreciated Merce Cunningham’s work and life in dance and art.  I feel extremely fortunate to have gotten to see a number of his works performed in New York during the 50th anniversary of his company, as well as seeing Biped and other works here in Berkeley. The books I’ve read and videos I’ve seen about him and his company are still very thought provoking and enriching today.

I remember I was once in an elevator with him in New York–I think it was during the first of the “When Morty Met John” series–and I had wanted to tell him how much I enjoyed his work and to simply say thanks.  Being that the elevator was full and that something like that would have been awkward, I never did end up talking to him.  I think that was appropriate, but I hope wherever he is now he knows that there are many whom he touched with his work work and life.

So far this year has started off well with reorganization of myself.  I realized that one of the biggest problems in terms of focusing myself the last few months of 2008 coincided with my switching over to using a Blackberry and not having my calendar and tasks organized on it.  Considering how much the tools I had used on my Palm TX were important for managing myself, I decided to finally get things worked out on the Blackberry.  Originally I had resolved to write some custom software to do this, but after some exploration I finally settled on using Remember the Milk for managing my tasks, using the milksync program to synchronize my tasks to the site with my Blackberry, as well as using Google Sync to synchronize my calendar with Google Calendar.  This took some days to work it all out as I had to fix up my old calendar data once importing into Google Calendar, but I have been absolutely excited to finally have a good work process worked out for myself and a satisfactory set of tools to work with.

Although there is still a number of things left to do to finish the transition, I already I feel much better organized and more focused on my work.  I am looking forward to returning tomorrow to California and working on tidying up our apartment, and settling back in to move forward with all of my personal projects.

Today I am 30. 

As is my usual yearly ritual on my birthday I reflect on the past year of my life, as well as look forward to the new year. The past year was full with lessons coming from the experiences of daily life, as well as full of many special occasions and wonderful trips taken. It was also a very special year as Lisa and I got engaged, then planned and ultimately had a beautiful wedding.  It was certainly an amazing experience from start to finish, and incredible to have so many friends and family together on a wedding day full of love.  How important and valuable are friends and family!

The year was busy with all the preparations of the wedding, but also with the work required for my programming job. I found it somewhat difficult to focus this past year on personal work, and certainly it is something I will be looking to work on moving forward.

This birthday is also a larger milestone, seeing the end of my 20’s and now entering into my 30’s.  Looking back, the past 10 years have been incredible.  From all the experiences from living in New York, San Francisco, Berkeley, and Warsaw, from finishing college to building up and growing a career in programming, from creating and growing my software blue and further developing my views on music and sound, from the man lessons and joys of tai chi, from dating and marrying my dear wife… how much has happened these past 10 years…

Looking forward now to my 30’s, I feel absolutely excited about all the possibilities, and I have the sense that life is only now really beginning. From the lessons and experiences from my 20’s I see many things I want to work on as well as do. There are also a wealth of wonderful memories already that inspire me to move forward to continue explore this world and this life, to create the memories for my future self.

Tomorrow is a new year for us all, but for myself, today is a personal new year and decade.  I am grateful and feel truly lucky for the life I have had the fortune of living up to now, and I am blessed to have met so many good people and friends over these years. I look forward now with excitement and inspiration and welcome my 30’s with joy.