It’s been quite some time since I finished a piece of music… it’s a thought that weighs heavily on me at times. In that time, however, I think a lot of life has been lived, so nothing lost. The pieces I’ve been working on the past year or so–I think I’m going to give them up. That was a very hard decision to come to, but I think it best.
These pieces, these fragments, have been sitting there, and I find myself hard pressed to continue with them. I’ve struggled very much, and in the end, I think it’s simply that these pieces aren’t me. I look back at my early inquiries into music and find them very much rich and full, something very pure about them.
These past pieces have had something in them too, something raw, pure, but of an energy and aesthetic I’m simply not about. So the time spent trying to find their paths were perhaps more about me finding my own, once again.
This time exploring these paths have not been for not, though. I find that they have very much enriched my views on what I believe I will be seeking once again. The techniques behind the ideas are still very much appealing, only perhaps the ideas themselves were not the ones to which to apply the techniques.
I feel a great sense of freedom in this decision, finding myself once again in territory more familiar and inspiring.
Last night I began meditating as I used to do back when I was very actively composing music; the calmness and serenity of it has helped make this decision so much easier, having cleared the way back to the life of living beautifully. Tonight’s T’ai-chi practice was as peaceful and focused as it’s ever been. And here I am, smiling away at the screen, curious to once again listen for where the sounds want to go.